An inconvenient truth
by Justthewayitwas
Summary: The moment Regina woke up, she knew something was off. As soon as she tried to move her legs, she knew what it was. She was barely able to lift her legs up. Walking was almost impossible. Her entire life she had been able to run away but now she was a prizoner.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello guys :) this is my first OUAT FF ever. I've been a fan of Regina from the very beginning and the idea of writing this story just overcame me some weeks ago. I'm not sure whether you're going to like it but I certainly hope you will. Please excuse my English, I'm pretty sure I've made some mistakes. Enjoy reading it! :)_

_Rated M for future chapters. Swan Queen might also appear ;)_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but the mere idea of the FF._

* * *

„No, wait, I'm sorry"

Regina said, tears shining in her eyes. The moment the mean words had come out her mouth, she had known that it had been the exact wrong thing to say especially as Emma had been the one to invite her. But the anger of once again being forbidden to see her son – and if people started to be honest, they would realize that Henry was just as much her son as it was Emma's – had totally blindsided her for a moment.

That's at least what she tried to tell herself because truth was that the anger she had just let out was not only a one-second-thing. The anger was something being a part of her which she seemed not to be able to control because… this is who you are, Regina's mind answered. Who she had always been.  
No. Not always. But most of her life.

She closed her eyes for a second before she continued trying to save the moment.

„E-Emma, I'm sorry, snapping at you, I shouldn't have done that. Will you accept my apology?"

Although the tears were still shimmering in her eyes, it also had a certain touch of hope. Hope of forgiveness at least once. There was nothing else she wanted because forgiveness was the key to her happiness. If the others forgave her, she would be able to start a new, better life because then she could let go of the past and the anger so that it would not be a part of her any longer.

At the same time, she didn't want to beg. It made her feel defeated and ashamed. But maybe she should feel ashamed after all the horrible things she had done. Per contra she had done them to finally be happy… and still she knew that this was no real excuse. It unquestionably was an explanation but not a justification… she just liked to dismiss this from her mind.

"Okay, you're right, Archie said you're trying to change and you are."

Regina let go of the breath, she hadn't even noticed she was holding.  
However in the next second the words Emma had just said began to repeat themselves and the relief she had just felt was replaced by betrayal. Betrayal of trust. He had promised her to not talk to anybody about their meetings and he was aware that it had been astonishingly difficult for her to speak up to him.

"Doctor Hopper said I was trying?"

Regina breathed and her voice had adopted a different, one might say dejected, tone. Her ears started to hear random noises and she felt a little bit dizzy. The progress she had made the past few weeks seemed so far away now that she felt like it was entirely gone. All the work she had put into this… for nothing because there was nobody she could trust.  
Maybe Henry… but he had also left her, hadn't he? No, she told herself, he hadn't, I still love him, I still need him.

Emma nodded and continued sounding rather enthusiastic.

"He said you came to see him, that you're trying not to use magic, that you're trying to be a better person, you understand, I was hesitant to invite you, I asked him and he thought it was a good idea."

Regina forced herself to smile but what she really felt was far away from happiness.  
First of all, Emma hadn't really wanted to invite her even though she had been the one to save her and even though Henry had wanted to invite her. This meant that there was no forgiveness, no acceptance and consequentially no good terms between them at all too. Secondly, someone had betrayed her again, used her weakness against her, just as it happened so often in her past.

The past she could never really let go.

"Thank you, it was, I should be going"

How she was able to utter these words was beyond her understanding. She didn't even wait for an answer and simply turned around walking away from the diner and from the people she loathed so much – except Henry of course.

All the faith in people finally accepting her she had had some minutes ago was vanished into thin air. They didn't accept her; they just thought that pretending to be nice to her would be the better solution. Additionally the one person besides Henry she had started to trust had misled her. It had been foolish of her to believe anything would change. And although deep down in her heart she could understand those people, it hurt anyway. It hurt her so much that she started to cry while walking down the street. The wind was cold and Regina's body started not to only shiver because of her cries but because of the low temperatures.

You're pathetic Regina, she thought. She still felt slightly dizzy and all she wanted to do was to get home and go to sleep. Yet she feared that sleep wouldn't meet her as gladly as she would receive it.

She began walking faster as her car came into her sight but before she was able to reach it, she heard some weird noises which made her turn around. Her eyes scanned her surroundings very slowly but she couldn't see anything that would be of any danger. The blackness didn't make it any easier for her to see something. Already thinking that she must have made the noises up, something hit her very hard in the back. A burning feeling crept over her spine and her lungs felt like exploding. She didn't get to turn around anymore to take a look at what might have caused the hit.

The last thing she thought was that this day couldn't get any more miserable before she fell down, darkness welcoming her.

Some meters away, Cora, Regina's mother, stood on a roof with a smile on her face. Hook who had raised one eyebrow looked at her. "And how is this supposed to help us? I mean, no offense, but you just…" Cora lifted one arm interrupting him. "She won't be able to walk anymore and she won't have any magical powers anymore. Additionally nobody will be ready to help her which means that she will need me." Hook nodded slowly but his doubts were visible. The woman really was the mother of the year.

* * *

When Regina awoke, she felt immediately that something was off. The first thing she noticed was the awkward smell which was similar to the typical hospital one.

Secondly she recognized that something was missing in her. She couldn't feel her magic. Usually she was surrounded by a certain vibration but it was gone. She felt lighter without the vibration but yet she couldn't be too happy about it missing because it meant that she was weak and helpless which made it easier for others to hurt her. And she had been hurt, obviously; otherwise her magic wouldn't be gone.

Slowly she opened her eyes and recognized that she was indeed in a hospital room. She saw the drip next to her and the monitors which observed her heartbeat.

Suddenly her last memories started coming back or better yet crashing down on her which made her realize once more that she had been attacked by something or someone. The overwhelming thoughts made her feel groggy and she closed her eyes for a moment to center herself.  
Something had happened to her after she had had the little fight with Emma. She had walked down the street and – nothing.

When she opened her eyes again she saw Henry who sat in the corner of the room sleeping. Next to him sat Emma who was sleeping as well. Confused to actually see them in here, Regina tried to sit up, only to comprehend seconds later that neither her head nor her legs were willing to help her.

Regina looked down on her legs and after she had tried to move them again, the realization of them not doing what she wanted them to do hit her. Fear started to build up and she touched one of her legs. She could feel the touch but yet her muscles weren't working. Maybe she was only too worn out by whatever had happened to her - this rose the next question in her mind – what exactly had happened to her? That she had been attacked was clear but she hadn't seen anybody nor had she felt any real physical pain, had she? She went back to the moment she had been walking down the street. She had seen her car and then… then she had heard something but she hadn't seen anything. Right after it, she remembered nothing which could only mean that she had been harmed right in this moment.

Magic then, Regina thought.

But who would have the guts to hurt her? It was true that she had many enemies that would love to see her dead but the mere thought that someone would try to assassinate her was both dreadful and outraging. Not to mention the idea that she hadn't been able to defend herself in any way.

Since when had she become a walking target?  
And where was her magic?  
Who had the powers to take them from her?  
Rumpelstilskin?  
She shook her head; he didn't have any reasons to injure her, did he?

Her attention was brought to Henry when he started to stir and then woke up. A little smile crossed Regina's face as she saw her son waking up. "Good morning sunshine." she whispered in order not to wake up Emma.

Nonetheless her good will was destroyed when Henry jumped up and ran in her direction to hug her.

"I thought you wouldn't wake up anymore. The dwarfs found you last night on the street and there was just no way to wake you up and Doctor Whale didn't know what was wrong with you as well and I was just so worried."

Henry's fast words made her head spin a little bit and she caressed his head.

"I'm fine, dear, I'm fine. You have nothing to worry about."

She kissed his forehead then and hugged him back.  
Although the situation could be another one, it felt good to know that Henry still cared for her. It didn't happen very often anymore. Ever since Emma Swan had arrived over a year ago things had changed rapidly.  
Of course she had to admit that things between her and Henry hadn't been all too well even before Miss Swan had entered their lives but back then when she had thought that their relationship couldn't get any worse, she had proven wrong.  
Regina couldn't even say that she wasn't able to understand Henry – quite the contrary - but it hurt Regina anyway to know that her little prince didn't want to be her little prince anymore.  
It enraged her and most of the time she wasn't able to hold the anger back which ended in hurting others although she didn't even intentionally want it. It always was the same.

Meanwhile Emma had stood up as well and walked over to Regina.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

Regina looked up and gave her a small smile which was more than Emma deserved, she thought

"Just fine. I guess, the lack of sleep kind of knocked me out."

Regina knew just too well that Emma wouldn't buy her lie but since nobody obviously knew what happened to her, Regina would be the last one to tell what she thought had happened. They wouldn't help her anyway; they wouldn't care if something tried to kill her because deep down it was what they all wanted.  
What did she feel when she thought about that part? Astonishment? Certainly not. Sadness? Definitely. Was there any way for her to change that part? No. The response came immediately. She didn't need to think about it. Not after yesterday.

A little confused why she suddenly cared so much about it, which she had also noticed when she had talked to Emma the other day, she shook her head. She hadn't cared all those years or perhaps she had? Maybe she had just never admitted it? Now was not the right time to think about it.

"Henry, why don't you get something to drink or eat, hm?"

Emma asked and Henry lifted his head. He then nodded and left the room. Regina just shook her head slightly as Henry almost didn't get the curve and then she sighed when she looked up.

The Blonde looked at her curiously and Regina scolded herself for having let her mind wander.

"So how are you really doing?"

Emma asked and Regina sighed again. Emma could be one piece of work. Just like her mother but that was an entirely different topic.

"Fine, Miss Swan, it hasn't changed in these five seconds."

Snapping at woman always helped most to scare her away, that much Regina had already learnt and since she had no intention to talk to the Blonde at all, it would be the best way.  
Or was Regina wrong again? Possibly the other woman wanted to help her – no. Nobody wanted to help her; everyone always let her down at some point. It was her destiny – to be alone forever.  
Henry, she thought, you're not alone. Well, partly you are because even though he seemed to be really concerned some minutes ago, it wouldn't last. She knew that.

"You don't look fine."

Emma responded much to Regina's surprise. Faked concern didn't suit Emma very well though. If she didn't mean it, it would be better if she kept her mouth shut. On the other hand, there was hardly a way to silence Emma at all.

"Well, that might be because I have spent the last weeks searching for a way to get you back and I haven't really had any time to calm down myself."

Regina gave Emma an annoyed glance.

Just as Emma wanted to reply, the door was opened again and Doctor Whale entered the room.

"Regina, I see you're finally awake. How do you feel?"

Regina could hardly help herself but managed not to roll her eyes.

"I'm fine. I just told Miss Swan that the lack of sleep must have paid its price. Can I leave the hospital now?"

She was serious. If someone had actually tried to get rid of her, her best chance would be at her home where she could prepare herself especially as she didn't have any magic anymore. The bare thought of being powerless again in a world in which others had magic made her feel very uncomfortable.  
Apart from that, she also needed to find out what kind of spell had been used on her in the first place. All these things would be hardly possible to accomplish in here.  
Moreover Regina hated to look weak and being in a hospital did that.

Both, Whale and Emma looked taken aback.

"Regina, you were found unconscious and you have just woken up. Don't you think it would be a better idea to take a step back and stay here for at least a day just to make sure you're really fine?"

Regina sat up and gave the Doctor a little warning smile. Her mood was sure as hell not the best and the last thing she needed right now was someone pissing her off. Having thought that – her pissed off modus had already started, so it only could get worse.

"As much as I appreciate your concern or shall I say your nicely played concern, I'm quite certain that I'll be able to handle myself."

Regina couldn't really tell whether it was her anger speaking or her fear. In the end she decided for her annoyance and partly her fear.  
Despite the fact that many people liked to say that she didn't have a heart and therefore she also couldn't feel anything, including fear, it wasn't true. She felt the fear and it was eating her alive. She didn't want to die or to be weak although she kept wondering why that was since she didn't have much left. The only thing that kept her truly alive was her pride. And Henry, more or less.

Regina glanced at Doctor Whale and Emma who looked like they were overthinking their upcoming responses again and again. Well done, Regina, she thought, you gave them a reason to let you go.

"I can't force you to stay in here, but…"

"Good. Then things would be clear."

Regina put the blanket away and sat up, her legs felt better than they had some minutes before which confirmed what she had thought, her muscles had only been overworked. So the only real problem was her magic being gone. She got out of the bed and looked at Emma and Whale.

"Where are my clothes?"

Emma pointed at the chair behind her and as Regina made a few steps forward, she noticed that something was wrong though. Although she felt that her legs were indeed working and her muscles were reacting, they just didn't do what she wanted. Quite the contrary, her muscles were quivering and after she had made another step forward, her legs gave in and Regina would have fallen to the floor if Whale hadn't caught her.

Disbelievingly she stared at her legs. She didn't know what was going on but shame made its presence clear and she wished that Emma and Whale wouldn't have seen how helpless she actually was. Or – no – she wasn't helpless. She was simply incredibly tired, nothing more.

"Didn't you just say that you're fine?"

Emma said and if Regina hadn't been distracted by the shame that still lingered on, she would have snapped at her. Whale stil had his arms around her and as she tried to free herself from him and make another step, she had to realize that she couldn't. This wasn't a simple one-minute-thing, this was a serious problem.

"I guess that means that you're staying with us."

Regina looked up to Whale and sighed. This was not what she needed.

* * *

_It would be awesome if you left a review for me! Pretty, pretty please! Do you think I should continue writing the story? :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_I really don't know how to thank you for all the lovely reviews I have received! Thank you so much, they really did make me happy. Here's the next chapter and I hope you're going to like it. I'm sorry for any mistakes that are still in there. Oh and happy new year! :)_

* * *

As quickly as Regina had been out of the bed, she was in it again. And she knew that there was no chance that anybody would let her leave now. Frustrated she took the blanket and put it over her body.

She had been helpless many times in her life but there had always been a way for her to escape. A very long time ago she used to ride, then things changed and she started hurting people. But most of the time she just went to a place where she could think without needing to worry that someone would interrupt her. That's also what she wanted right now. A place to think. To center herself, to understand what all this meant. But she didn't have it which made her anxious and mad – a dangerous mixture. Her face reflected quite well that she wasn't content with the situation. Therefore Emma and Whale tried to talk to her as reasonable as possible.

"We're going to do a few tests to see what's wrong with you."

Whale explained and she simply nodded. It wouldn't make much sense to tell them that they wouldn't find anything. At least nothing that could be fixed. Furthermore she knew that those tests would take some time and she had never been the most patient person and right now her patience was even smaller than usually.  
Besides she felt that she needed to go to the bathroom quite urgently but at the same time she was too proud to ask for it.

Whale waited for a moment expecting Regina to say something but when the Brunette didn't show any further reactions, he gave Emma a quick look and a shrug and left the room.

As soon as he was out of the room, Emma moved next to her side and eyed her suspiciously.

"So what's wrong with you?"

Regina sighed. The woman could be a real pain in the ass and she just confirmed it once again. Additionally she couldn't imagine that the Blonde was really interested in her. Why should she be? She proved it yesterday when she said that she wasn't sure whether it was a good idea that Henry would visit Regina although Emma knew very well that Regina needed him. Somehow he was literally the oxygen she needed and yet Emma took him away from her just as she had done ever since she had arrived in Storybrooke.

"Miss Swan, I didn't ask you to talk. Besides, how am I supposed to know? I'm just as surprised as you are."

She lied. But she had her reasons although Emma would probably not be able to understand them. Not to mention that the Blonde most likely didn't even want to comprehend them.

"You're lying, I can feel it."

Regina tensed for a second before she recognized that this didn't mean anything. Emma probably knew that she wasn't telling the truth but nothing more. Moreover she was convinced that the Blonde just tried to get information out of her to be able to tell them everyone else later and Regina would be damned if she supported this. So she did what she always did – she made use of her sass.

"Really? How about that one: you're not welcome here."

Regina made a point with the statement by lifting an eyebrow and rolling her eyes right after it as though Emma would be too dumb to understand anyway.

"Seriously? I spent the entire night here just because you decided to have some kind of breakdown and to scare the kid to death."

Emma snapped back and looked at her as if Regina had gone completely insane.

Regina's face instead turned slightly red as she heard Emma mentioning how scared Henry had been. She hadn't wanted to scare him and to make him worry even more in general because she knew that she already was a burden to him. If Regina had been alone, she probably would have cried by now. This was far away from her happy ending and just as she thought about this, her anger hit her hard. Who was that woman to snap at her like that?

"Do you think I did that on purpose? May I remind you that I would never intentionally hurt Henry! I've been his mother for the past ten years and I took care of him while you were gone."

It was the truth.

In a certain way what Regina had just said was true and she knew that it hurt Emma because the Blonde couldn't deny that Regina was right. So Regina always ended up in saying those words knowing that she would scare away Emma with it. She didn't want and she didn't need her here.

"You know what? Just fuck you."

With a loud slam of the door Emma left the room. Henry, who was just about to get back, was captured by Emma before he could do or say anything else. Wide eyed Regina watched as they left. A small "no" left her lips. She hadn't wanted Emma to be here but Henry was an entirely different story and now he was gone as well. She should have known it. Of course Emma wouldn't let him be with her after what she had just said to her.

She felt the tears coming up and blinked them away. Now was not the time to cry, she had to be strong. But the sorrowfulness that hit her was intense and she started digging her nails into her flesh. She felt like it didn't matter what she would do; it would always come back to her in the wrong way.

Just as Emma and Henry walked around the corner, Whale entered the room again.

"Oh, Emma's gone?"

So many possible responses went through Regina's mind in this moment however she decided for the one that would sound the least aggressive but meaningful though.

"None of your business."

Further questions of Whale were silenced with Regina's deadly glares. She didn't want to think about Emma anymore and consequently not about Henry because it hurt her too much. And exactly this kind of hurt nobody was supposed to see and Whale of all people the least.

"Very well. I've ordered some tests. A nurse is going to take you to the right places."

Regina nodded very slowly but remembered what she had meant to ask. Not ask. Say. She wouldn't ask to do anything. Particularly because she felt embarrassed about it.

"I need to go to the bathroom first."

"Well, then, I will call a nurse immediately so that she can help you."

Taken aback Regina looked at Whale. Had he just really suggested that she would go to the bathroom with a nurse? He could hardly be serious.

"What? No, no… no! I can handle myself perfectly fine."

"Regina. You can't walk." Whale insisted.

Regina's mouth opened and closed again. This was not only bold of him to say but harassing – at least to her. Surely he was right but she didn't want to confess this.

"No! I can walk at least a little bit and it will be enough for me to go to the bathroom – alone"

To make her statement clear enough, she swung her legs out of the bed and gave him a provocative glare. There was no way she would go to the bathroom with someone else.

"You made five steps the last time – to the bathroom are at least twenty and then you need to –"

Harshly Regina interrupted him.

"I know by myself what I need to do in a bathroom when I want to use the toilet! And I can take it."

She stood up and gathered her hospital gown around her. He wouldn't stop her and it was her right to go to the Bathroom. Even though Storybrooke was different from other cities, the basic rights didn't change.

"Do you feel ashamed?"

"What?!"

Regina kept wondering whether she was really taking part in this conversation or if it was a simple dream. Or better yet a nightmare.

"Do you feel ashamed? A lot of people do when they need help with such personal matters."

"What – I- no – I just think that I'm able to do this on my own."

She stuttered. Deep down she knew that he was right. Of course she was ashamed. It wasn't like she was afraid to show her body in general, god forbid, but this was more… personal and no - she shook her head slightly. Why was she even trying to explain herself?

"And what are you going to do if you –"

She interrupted him once again. This was getting more and more pointless.

"Nothing will happen in there."

"But –"

"No."

This time she almost screamed. He was getting on her nerves and more importantly he frustrated her. She had never been one of those who at least didn't try at first and even when things weren't working out kept trying on their own.

"At least take a walking frame with you. It will help if you should have problems though."

She sighed. She had always thought Miss Swan was the most stubborn person she had ever met but Whale was about to demonstrate the opposite.

"I don't need it."

"I'm not going to let you go to the bathroom without it."

The Brunette looked at him in disbelieve… he probably would represent a good clown with his jokes but right now he was just being pathetic and he was making a complete fool out of himself. Just as she was, unfortunately.

"And what? You let me… do a mess here?"

She asked and sat down again. She couldn't stand for a very long time and Whale obviously made a point in showing this to her. But it wouldn't change her mind.

"Well my dear, that's the deal, I guess. The nurses are used to fix such messes."

If she had had her magic, she would have hurt him by now.

"Are we really having this conversation?"

"Yes, so?"

Realizing that he wouldn't give in at all, she sighted a last time. Her only chance would be to give in at least a little. Besides there wouldn't be a person with her in the bathroom, it would be just her and the walking frame.

"Fine. Give it to me."

Whale looked absolutely pleased with him. He went out and brought the walking frame into the room putting it in front of her.  
As if Regina hadn't been pissed before, his smiling face took it to a new level and she spit the next words out with as much hate as possible but without thinking much about it beforehand.

"Oh and Doctor? You might try to seem competent but we both know you're not. We both know what you did to me and don't you even start to believe that I forgave you."

"Regina…"

She gave him a warning glare before she stood up and headed towards the bathroom. She hadn't thought about Daniel in a while – no that was a lie – she had thought a lot about him but she had made it to a challenge to stop that. At some point she needed to forget him but the truth was that she didn't actually want to. Her legs quivered and Regina needed an incredible strength to not give in. She needed to concentrate on the present.

Just as she went by the chair with her clothes on it, she took them and walked into the bathroom but not without holding her head high and wearing a queen-like-smile.

But as soon as the bathroom door was closed, her entire appearance fell and her legs almost gave in before she had the chance to hold herself. The Doctor had been right that she didn't have the energy to do all this on her own but her pride forbad her to ask for help. The help she would have received wouldn't have been a kind but a forced one after all and that was the last thing she needed.

She blocked the door. She would do this on her own and prove them all wrong.

As she tried to make a few steps forwards, she felt like there was no way she could ever do it. Her legs were heavy and they hurt in a way, she had never felt before. It was a subliminal pain that wasn't pulsative but constantly there. Moreover it couldn't be described as a cramp but she would have gladly taken one because cramps ended at one point. However this, she apprehended, wouldn't end as long as she didn't get some rest.

A small cry of pain escaped her mouth as she tried to make another step forward. She wasn't one to admit discomfort but this situation was different and she knew that although she probably would be able to hold her face while being in company but when being alone, she wouldn't be able to do the same. Because this pain added to the pain she had already been in before was too much to bear for her over a longer period. She hated to admit it, she really did loathe it, but she was just a human being like everyone else.

Now she stood directly in front of the toilet which she opened and after ordering her clothes sat down on.

The pain that was introduced to her then, hurt just as much as the other one but she took it with relief anyway. But it only lasted for a moment and the ache she had felt previously came back. She closed her eyes for a second attempting to get used to the pain and to accept it. It can't be too hard, she told herself, she had done it multiple times.

Nonetheless all the new impressions were overwhelming.

As she was ready to stand up, she noticed that the toilet was incredibly low. Even with the grip on her right side and the walking frame in front of her, she didn't have enough space to push herself up especially as her legs weren't strong enough to hold her. She turned her body to the right side flushing the toilet and then grabbing the grip with her right hand. Her other hand reached for the walking frame. She tried to lift herself up with all the power she had but it didn't work.

Both the walking frame and the grip were too high and toilet too low. This meant that she didn't know how to lift herself up when her legs wouldn't do some of the work and help her.

If she had her magic right now, this wouldn't be a problem but she didn't have it. Because some foolish person took it away from her.

It took all her mental strength not to cry out and she took a deep breath.

But then Henry came back into her mind and the tears started coming back. She had wanted him to be here but just because … because she had been mean to Emma he wasn't here anymore. It wasn't fair. And she felt so lonely.

She suddenly regretted having snapped at Emma. She hadn't wanted the Blonde to be here but she could have told her in a nicer way. The point was: she could have but she hadn't done it. She rubbed over her face. She needed to apologize to Emma and to fix things but as long as she sat here that would be barely possible.

She tried to think about something else – for example getting up but then it occurred to her that she could put on her tights and her skirt meanwhile because she wouldn't be able to do that once she was up – and if she got up.

She removed the hospital gown being thankful that she was still wearing her underwear. Putting on the tights wasn't as easy as she thought though. Once she lifted one leg, she almost fell down because her other leg couldn't hold her. It took her about five more minutes to find the right balance to pull one leg into the tights and another five minutes for the other one. Tautologically she did this with the skirt. After that she put her blouse on, this was thankfully just as easy as always.

Just as she had somewhat ordered her clothes, she heard Whale calling for her.

"I'm all right, I just need my time."

Regina said in order to not give him the wrong expression and send someone in. She would be ready to kill if he did that.

Right in this moment she wished that she would have been more thankful before this happened. Being able to handle oneself couldn't be taken for granted at all. She made a mental note to appreciate her body and her flexibility, if it came back, more often.  
However she couldn't think about this right now. It was far more important for her to finally get up.

Again she grabbed the grip and the walking frame, thank god that she had taken it but she would never admit that to Whale, and pulled herself up which ended in another - more or less fatal - situation. Her body lay over the walking frame while her legs kept quivering and doing whatever they thought would fit best.

A "you've got to be kidding me" crossed her mind before she tried to steady her legs. Regina couldn't say how much time passed but she was sweating and coughing as she was finally standing on her legs having lifted herself up with her arms somehow while feeling like she would break them. Slowly she pulled her tights and her skirt up, closed the toilet behind her and walked towards the basin.

She washed and dried her hands before she took a look in the mirror.

Whether it was her hair, her make-up or her entire appearance that scared the hell out of her, she couldn't really tell but at least she couldn't remember the last time she had looked that bad.

In the first instance she ordered her clothes until they looked alright in some degree. Secondly she went with her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it. It didn't work out as she had imagined but better than nothing she thought.  
Her make-up couldn't be saved so she just tried to remove the leftovers. The final look in the mirror didn't satisfy her but at least she looked a little bit more like herself.

Or not – crossed her mind and before she could have done anything about it, a small cry similar to the one she had experienced some moments ago, escaped her mouth. This wasn't her and certainly not someone she wanted to be.

Her entire life she had tried to be independent and now she was weak and she had no idea how she was supposed to live if this remained permanent.  
Maybe it wouldn't be a constant thing, maybe something could be done about it … but the hope she had had when she woke up, had kindly said goodbye. She certainly didn't know every spell but she knew most of them and she had never heard of one that could do this. Specifically one that also took her magic was a mystery to her.

If she hadn't been one before, without her magic and not being able to walk properly, she had become a real walking target.

She felt like her head was exploding. There were too many thoughts, and most of the time she couldn't organize and process them appropriately. Henry. She – no, she told herself. She needed to be in the here and now and what had happened about half an hour ago was the past which she couldn't change right now but perhaps later.

For a second time she heard Whale calling for her, so she took another breath, put on a well-practiced smile and opened the door. She would never show Whale what she was truly feeling nor would she show most of the other citizens of Storybrooke.

"Regina, are you all right, it seemed to me…"

"Save it. Can we start the tests now?"

She snapped not being in the mood for another senseless conversation with Whale. The last one they had would fill her requirements relating to absurd talks for the next years.

Whale nodded eyeing her before he slightly shook his head.

"It wouldn't have been necessary to dress up."

She gave him another warning glare and he changed the topic.

"You need to sit down here."

He showed the wheelchair to her and her lips went into a thin line but without another comment she sat down in it. In the end she would have only looked like an idiot if she had tried to go to the tests on her own.

A nurse brought her to several tests, each one being more bothersome and when she was brought back to her room two hours later, all she wanted was a coffee and some time on her own. Luckily this didn't represent a huge problem and Regina spent the next five hours on her own thinking about everything and nothing.

From her point of view life had taken a very twisted turn for her once again and she wondered why that was. She had lost her true love twice, each time bringing more betrayal with it, she had had to marry someone she hadn't loved, she hadn't had a mother that loved her, and generally every time when she had found happiness, it had been ripped from her seconds later and now her entire self was taken away from her as well.

Who was she? A nobody? No. She was Regina Mills. The Queen. No. She was the idiot now who couldn't take care of herself anymore.

Then it hit her.

She also wouldn't be able to take care of Henry. The others would finally have a proper reason to keep him away from her. For a moment she felt like she couldn't breathe and tears started to build up again. The amount of times she had almost started to cry the past months was not acceptable anymore.

But this was about Henry and losing him. Losing her little prince. She had done everything for him and to be happy with him. All the effort had been for nothing. No – she thought, he is a smart child and she made him to the person he is right now. The person who hates her, she remembered next and the grief set in again.

No matter how she tried to see things, they always turned into the wrong direction. But maybe that was her price which she needed to pay. The price of having been evil for too long.

She had thought about simply leaving the hospital but had to realize that it wouldn't work. People would notice her if she wanted it or not.

Furthermore she had thought about her magic. She had managed to live without it over twenty-eight years, why did she need it so desperately now? She had gone to therapy to get away from it and yet here she was driving crazy because she didn't have it anymore. It was such a huge contradiction which she couldn't explain to anyone, not even herself. Of course it would be easier to handle things with magic specifically as her flexibility was limited for now but it worked for other people as well. Yes, she had always been an exception in such kind of things but perhaps this was her punishment.

Her cruel punishment.

The feelings she went through in those five hours were a pure roller coaster – from anger to sadness to disbelief to grief to carelessness again to anger.

She wished that she had someone to talk to; someone who would simply listen to her because all she wanted to do right now was to spill it all out. The keeping-it-all-secret-thing wasn't one of her favorite things anymore and if she considered it more accurately it had never been.

But why had she kept doing it? Because there was no one to trust. Really? Yes. Sure? No. Maybe if she had tried, if she… if she hadn't been so scared. But she had been and she still was, no matter what she did. Fear had been her only friend.

Oh the irony.

When the five hours were over, Whale entered the room, he didn't look all too happy but Regina hadn't expected something else.

"Regina, we've got the results of the test and what can I say…"

She rolled her eyes. He could stop with the drama, she wasn't a child. She could take things… more or less.

"You didn't find anything."

She clarified and he nodded slowly.

"Well, we know for sure that something seems to be off with your neurotransmissions. But we can't say why."

Regina nodded. It didn't surprise her that they didn't find any real causes. Magic didn't leave any visible traces most of the time.

"Thank you Doctor for your… help but I think this means that I can go home now."

She said and meant it. There was no real reason for her to stay here any longer. Besides it would be more dangerous if she was here. Or not. At home she would be alone and… no. She wanted to go home.

"Regina… you can't walk, your house does have stairs – how do you think you will come along there. And a few more tests would be necessary as well"

Another sigh. Why did people always call her decisions into question? If she said that she wanted to go home, she surely wouldn't change her mind in the next second because that wasn't who she was.

But who am I?  
Startled by her own mind, it took her a moment to answer but as soon as she had recollected herself, her answer was just as Regina-like as always.

"The point isn't how I will come along but that I'm going to come along at all which is the case and as far as I know you can't keep me here."

They both knew he couldn't. It probably was unusual to let a patient whose diagnosis wasn't sure yet and who had just learnt that he couldn't walk, go but Regina wasn't a person to go along the usual things.

"This isn't a good idea."

Whale explained and she shook her head slightly.

"You don't get to decide what a good idea is and what not."

He didn't need to know more. He had to respect her wish.

"If your wish is going home…"

Wondering if Emma had infected him with dumbness, Regina only responded.

"It is."

Defeated Whale nodded.

"I will call a transporter that will take you home. You can take the wheelchair and walking frame from the hospital for now until you've received your personal produced ones."

Regina was about to say that she wouldn't need them but she stopped herself. There was no point in arguing. And she wanted to go home as soon as possible. Fighting with him would only cost her precious time.

Whale left the room again and moments later two men entered that wanted to bring her home. Although she was uncomfortable in needing help, she let herself carry out of the hospital.

The drive to her home wasn't all too long and the two men even brought her into the house helping her overcome the first few steps so that she was safely located in the first floor.

As they were gone, she turned herself a little bit and thought about what she should do next. She was hungry but this part would need to wait. First of all she had to try to find out what kind of spell had hurt her. She would need her mother's book.

Her mother was another quite complicated story. She wondered where Cora was right now and if she still tried to come to Storybrooke. Regina hoped that she would never see her mother again.

She shook her head slightly to concentrate on the more significant thing right now: the spell.

But then she remembered that the book that probably would be most useful was in her bedroom because she had taken it up there a week ago to read in it.  
Regina eyed the stairs and clenched her fists.

* * *

_Well, I certainly hope that you're going to leave a review again? :) I would love to know what you think about the chapter and whether you're content with the way I described Reginas struggle.  
I know that to some of you my writing must seem a little crazy and chaotic but I thought since this is written in Regina's POV and she is confused like a lot, it would only fit. Tell me though if it bothers you. :)_


	3. Chapter 3

First of all: thank you so, so, so much for all the lovely responses I got. I'm really overwhelmed and it does mean a lot to me that so many seem to like my work. It's really cheering me up, so thank you!

Well, as you can see, I still exist. I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to update. As most of you know having exams is bitchy and that's exactly what it is going on here at the moment. I wanted to write another scene to this chapter because I wanted the chapter to be longer in general but I know that I just won't find the time for it the next few days and I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer.

I truly do hope that you're going to like this chapter, have fun!

I own nothing, of course and I'm still sorry about any kind of mistakes I made in here.

* * *

Having always been able to use one's legs, Regina had never thought about what would be if that possibility was gone.

Now she stood in front of her stairs trying as hard as possible to not scream out of frustration. How she was supposed to climb up twenty stairs without being able to use her legs, was a mystery to her. However it was a mystery which needed to be solved because otherwise she would not be able to get to the book she wanted so badly. Maybe if she sat down on the stairs and lifted herself up one stair after another while dragging her legs somehow along with her, she would reach the next floor.

But even if she would be able to climb up the stairs, moving around after it would hardly be possible. If she had learned one thing so far, it was that trying to force things did backfire.

But she needed to try it; she needed to get to the book. The book was her chance of… of what? She thought. Freedom? Hardly. Fighting back? Probably but she wasn't even sure whether it was worth it anymore. Henry didn't love her any longer, she thought and it saddened her that her inner voice couldn't even deny it.

But what about earning his love back, she thought. She had tried it before but maybe she hadn't tried it hard enough. Perhaps there was still a chance, a glimpse of hope.

The mere thought about hope made her laugh. Was she now suddenly turning into Snow White. Her heart was so black, white was the last thing that could be used to describe her.

Dear god, she thought, she really was turning into a crazy lady – questioning everything, being weak. Something she had never wanted to be. Regina slightly shook her head confused about all the diverse thoughts which couldn't be combined at all but which also didn't want to stop.

She turned herself and walked backwards with the walking frame, almost falling but catching herself at the last moment. As soon as she felt stair number one behind her, she slowly lowered herself. At some point she wasn't able to hold herself anymore or better yet she hadn't thought about the case that her weight would lead to the fact that that walking frame would fall over. So she fell down, kind of twisting her legs and hurting her spine. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to catch her breath and to stay as calm as possible while the pain slowly drifted away.

Then she looked behind her. Twenty stairs, she only needed to climb up twenty stairs. Only she thought and laughed once more. Her laugh sounded tired and sad. Even the coldness which had usually been within her laugh was gone. Nothing left of the once strong and fearless woman.

Slowly she lifted herself up until she felt the second stair behind her and sat down on it. If she couldn't walk those stairs up then she simply needed to literally climb them up, while dragging her legs up as well. She knew that she had been standing in front of the stairs for too long as she couldn't feel her legs anymore. Whenever she just tried to move them, they didn't do anything at all. So much about her wisdom of backfiring.

She sighed and lifted herself up again until she felt the third stair behind her. Then she pulled her legs up to her. She repeated this procedure seven more times until she felt like her body would kill her at any moment. Although her arms were perfectly healthy, she was weak in general and her arms weren't able to even the loss of her legs out.

Frustrated she leaned back which wasn't very comfortable but she couldn't care less at this very moment. Life hadn't always been fair to her but she was starting to think that this beat everything. Her entire life she had been able to run in some way and now she felt simply trapped. Trapped in her body, trapped in her mind. But perhaps it just meant that she would need to start dealing with things and to not only avoid them. She shook her head slightly – she didn't want to deal with anything at all. She didn't want to deal with the matter that she had lost Henry, again and this time much worse, nor did she want to deal with her legs or that she had failed. Failed in everything she had ever wanted. Happiness was one of those things.

She had turned into a monster, a conscienceless monster ready to kill everybody who was in her way. Now that she thought about it, and she did think about it although she tried to prevent it, it was hard for her to explain her actions. Yes, she had been desperate and very angry, she still was, but killing all those people, children even… she felt dirty. Those children, they could have been Henry.

She got up again and looked behind her; there was no way she was going to truly think about this right now.

Twenty more stairs, she then thought putting her mind to something else. She could do it. Again Regina lifted herself up until she felt the next stair and dragged her legs behind her. Her heart was pounding fast and she was sweating like hell. She had never been that out of shape, she thought. Maybe, if she undid the curse, she could start running again as she had done it in the past. At least it didn't sound like such a bad idea.

She took another stair and another one, only to realize once more that her legs were a pain in the ass. She tried to concentrate on the book which she needed so badly and made it up another stair.

Helpless – that was the first thing that came into her mind when she thought about this properly. She was not only weak but helpless and it bothered her. She needed to change something about it and she would be able to do it – somehow.

Another stair went by – six more. If she had made it up the last fourteen, the next six wouldn't be a problem, she told herself and lifted herself up.

She had never had a problem with fighting, her mind told her. Fighting was good, fighting was distracting.

The next five steps felt like a living hell to her but at some point she finally felt the end of the stairs and sighted in relief. Now she only needed to get into her room which was basically at the end of the floor.

Regina slowly closed her eyes – this wouldn't be in her way. Crawling wouldn't be an option; she would need to continue lifting herself up and dragging her legs behind her. Her arms already felt sour and she was sure if she continued this for a very long time, the pain wouldn't allow her to do anything with them anymore. Backfiring, dearie, she told herself and groaned as she moved her arms.

She shook her head, it didn't matter, she would heal herself when she had gotten her magic back which she missed deeply. Yes, magic wasn't the solution for everything but right now it seemed as the only true solution to her.

Regina kept lifting herself up, gasping from time to time because of the pain she felt in her arms and the lasting numbness of her legs.

It had never occurred to her that she would once think that although she was quite petite, some less weight wouldn't do any harm right now.

It took her another twenty minutes before she had reached her room as she had to stop several times to rest. Slowly lifting herself up, her arms almost giving in, she reached for the handle. She could have cried out in joy as the door opened. The reflection of almost being at her goal gave her some new energy.

Because there it was – the book – on her cabinet – she creeped towards it and reached out. Finally she had it. Very soon she would have her magic back and her ability to walk.

She started scrolling through it – somewhere something had to be. As she continued doing so, her impatience grew and grew… why wasn't she finding something? Nothing did really fit her symptoms but she was so sure that of something being in there as it was the most powerful book she owned.

When she reached the end of the book, she looked up; tears shining in her eyes and quiet "no" escaped her mouth. There was no spell, no code of practice, nothing that could help her.

Another "no" left her mouth, this time a little louder. Then the anger and all the desperation hit her hard and the book flew across the room. She cried out and smashed her arms into the floor. This couldn't be, she had been so certain that the book would help her  
– she had forced all her way up here for absolutely nothing.

The cabinet standing behind her had had its days when she reached to it and knocked it all over.

More and more tears started streaming down her face. There had been times, she had felt desperate – even desperate enough to enact a curse as dark as nothing she had ever seen before – but the desperation she felt now was indescribable. Regina felt as though she had nothing left, no love, no hope, no anything.

She threw her bed sheets all over the room as well and then laid down on the floor crying and screaming, not caring what anybody would think about her if he or she saw her in that kind of condition. Her body felt even weaker than before and it hurt badly. The pain which she had experienced the first in the hospital welcomed her again.

Her crying didn't stop until her body was too weak to hold up any longer and she fell asleep.

* * *

Regina woke up again hours later, feeling slightly dizzy. At first she didn't exactly remember what had happened but when she saw the mess around her, she remembered only too well and she felt the desperation rising once again. She sat up and a single tear crossed her face; she had no idea what to do now.

All this didn't make any sense to her – she didn't know how to handle helpless. She knew how to handle power and to get what she want but neither of these things were given right now.

Also if only she had someone to help her but she didn't – they all hated her and probably approved of her current situation. They had won because there was no way she would be able to fight against them right now. Not even for Henry… because she wouldn't be able to take care of him, not when she wasn't even able to take care of herself anymore.

And then she snapped up – a cold chill shooting through her body– what the hell was she thinking?

All her hard work, only to lose Henry in the end? Whom was she kidding here? She would not give up –never.

Regina almost felt sick to her stomach thinking about how much she had pitied herself those last few hours. This would end now. Yes, she didn't have what she wanted right now but she could get it, if she fought. And fighting she would.

But would she be able to do it? To adapt to this? Hardly, she thought and slapped herself internally, of course she could. She had always had to adapt herself, to find new solutions; it would also work this time. Somehow. She would need some time to plan this out, to get used to her inflexibility but this couldn't be unsolvable. Not to her. Perhaps she would also find a magical solution some time but until then, she would work with what she got even if it wasn't much.

Regina felt a little queasy and started realizing that she hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours – which she had done before but given her weak condition, it would probably be a better idea to get something to eat. But it meant that she had to somehow get the stairs down again which also meant that if she needed to get something from the second floor, she would need to climb them up anew.

Given how long it had taken her the first time, she wasn't very fond of playing that game over and over again, at least not at the moment.

She had a guest room down there which she could use and it of course also had a bathroom which was not as comfortable as her personal one but being in the bathroom would be a problem anyway, so it probably didn't really matter.

Her clothes were up her. That would be a problem… but maybe she could get some of them down. If she collected some pieces and put them into a bag which she could throw down the stairs, it could work.

Of course she would need to wash them at some point as well but that was something to figure out later.

What else, she thought. Tiding up the room would probably be a good idea but wasn't an option.

There was nothing she would need for now and if she had forgotten something than it would be her bad- more or less.

She more or less crawled into her dressing room, only to become aware of the fact that most of her clothes were out of her reach which did frustrate her but she somehow managed to calm herself down. She tried to remind herself that she did this for Henry and that she would need to find a solution for everything. Opening the wardrobe wouldn't be a problem, so she did. Then she looked around, she needed something with which she could reach up. Something that was long enough. Something like an umbrella, she thought. She had one up here, somewhere. Lifting her body out of the dressing room again, she scanned her room and then remembered. She had situated it behind the door, why she couldn't remember. Slowly she made her way towards the door and grabbed the umbrella which was still standing behind it. With a small smile she made her way back into the dressing room pushing the umbrella in front of her.

Getting on her knees was slightly possible, so she arranged her legs so that she could sit on them. Then she reached for the umbrella supporting her weight on it for a moment as she pushed herself up. She needed a few seconds until she felt some kind of balance but her legs felt better than some hours before which meant that she could at least rely a little bit on them.

Regina lifted the umbrella up reaching for some shirts and luckily she reached them the first time and they fell down. She got back and unfolded her legs. Now only some trousers which weren't all too uncomfortable were missing and underwear would be of need as well. She turned herself to the right direction and then moved herself to the dresser in which said things were placed.

She didn't need the umbrella for getting those things which she was quite happy about and even the bag in which she wanted to put the clothes in was laying somewhere at the bottom of her dresser.

As she got the bag, she put all the clothes in it and sighed contently. A feeling of confidence overcame her. She would be able to do this. There was a way to figure all this out.

She closed the dressers and carried her body and the bag out of the dressing room. Taking a last close look, she also left her bedroom, making her way towards the stairs which greeted her friendly.

She would follow the same principle which she had used to get up the stairs. Lifting herself up on one stair, putting her legs down to another.

Regina threw the bag down to the first floor remembering how she had hated it when Henry used to throw things down the stairs. She would give literally everything to get these times back. Regina wouldn't even mind anymore if Henry left all of his things somewhere at the house, she actually missed his chaos. But she would get the chaos back and him; after all she was his mother.

Pleased she noted that getting the stairs down didn't take her as long as up had done. When she reached the end of the stairs, another small smile escaped her lips. She could adapt to all this.

Seeing the wheelchair which still stood there in the hallway made her cringe. But for now it would probably be the best and easiest way to come around. She crept towards it trying to figure a way out to get into it – she didn't want to knock the thing over which wasn't very unrealistic if she did it wrong.

Firstly she checked if the wheelchair was steady. Then she again arranged her legs so that she could sit on them and pushed herself up. Being half up was frustrating, she thought. She needed to get a better solution to this because turning herself so that she could sit in the wheelchair was slightly hard and would not always work when her condition kept changing like it did at the moment.

She tried to push herself up a little more so that half her body lay over the wheelchair. At the same time she felt her legs going weak and slipping away and "damn it" left her mouth. Her arms somehow found the wheels which she grabbed. Then she let go of one wheel, turning herself so that she lay now on the wheelchair sidelong. Her breath was heavy. The arm which was now free was moved behind her back so that she could grab something which was of use. In the end she grabbed the wheel the other hand already was on but removed it the same time the hand which had been free before got hold of the wheel.

For a moment Regina thought she would lose the balance but she got hold of the wheel on the other side as well and was finally able to push herself into the wheelchair.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was improvable. Regina waited another moment so that her arms which really did feel slightly sour got a break, and then she bent down and grabbed the bag lifting it onto her lap.

Regina had never really sat in a wheelchair before let alone had tried to use it. To be quite honest, she had always thought that actually driving in it wouldn't be too hard but now that she tried to move around on her own, she realized that driving smoothly would also need some practice. However what mattered the most right now was that she would be able to move around at all.

She brought the bag with her clothes into the guest room and then drove into the kitchen. Opening the freezer she realized that there wasn't much left what she could eat. She had something left of the lasagna because she had made a double portion, so she took the box out and put it into the microwave.

For today and probably even tomorrow she would have enough to eat but then Regina would need to buy new things. However getting something on her own would hardly be possible which meant that she needed someone to take care of this. She sighed – there was nobody at all she could ask.

The microwave brought her back to reality. She took the meal out, got a fork and went into the dining room, not really caring that she ate out of a box.

She moved one of the chairs away and drove up the table. The smell of the lasagna made her stomach grumble.

Just as she intended to take the first bite, she heard the bell ring.

Ironic, she thought, she could even justify why she wasn't going to open the door since she couldn't reach it. So she took the first bite and hummed contently.

The bell rang again and even though Regina had to admit that she was curious who wanted to see her, she remained in her dining room. Eating was more important – or at least kind of.

That was until she heard a knocking behind her and as she turned, she saw Ms. Swan standing on the window, glaring at her.

Regina glared back and although she couldn't help but feel weak at this very move, she pointed to the wheelchair. The move was noticed by Ms. Swan and a slow "oh, right" formed on her lips which earned her an eye-roll from Regina. The woman would never get wiser, Regina thought but then reminded herself that she wanted to get nicer and softer although that thought was slightly irritating.

Emma gave her a sign to wait a second and Regina sighed. She was conflicted. On the one hand she was almost happy about the fact that Emma had turned up, on the other hand she had hoped that she had scared the other woman away in the hospital once and for all but she also knew that if she had actually done this, the chance of seeing Henry again would have been really, really low but so it still was right now.

Quite the contrary of having scared the other woman away seemed to be as she heard her front door opening.

Some seconds later the Blonde stood in the dining room watching Regina.

"Dear, have you come here to simply watch me eating or does your appearance have other reasons? And how did you get in here?"

Perhaps the old Regina wasn't gone completely; Regina thought to herself but then remembered again that it probably wasn't the best idea to harass the other woman. Bad habits die hard.

"I used certain old skills and no, actually, I've come here to get some things for Henry."

A small 'oh' slipped through Regina's lips but it was still loud enough for Emma to hear it. Regina didn't even comment on the other part although she had intended to at first.

On the one hand Emma felt sorry for Regina but moments like the one she had shared with Regina yesterday just didn't make it easy to actually be with her.

Regina didn't look into Emma's eyes and just made a small gesture. "You know where his room is."

She saw Emma nod and turn and then heard the Blonde climb up the stairs. It hurt Regina that Henry hadn't come on his own but the idiots had most likely forbidden it. However she would refuse if they planned on taking all his stuff with them one day. He was still her kid and he would always be.

The small voice in her head told her to stop calling the Charmings idiots however it was just too tempting to refuse.

Regina had been too abstracted to hear Emma come back the stairs. The Blonde looked a little bit puzzled.

"Uh, Regina, mind if I ask but what happened to your room?"

Oh, Regina thought this time. She had left the room open, not expecting anybody to come near it. Explanation was in order, preferably one that wouldn't be questionable. But there was no explanation that wouldn't present how desperate and weak she had been, so she just shrugged.

"I was searching for something." She said which wasn't a complete lie but also not the full truth.

"Searching? Your room looks a ninja walked through it or something."

Regina rolled her eyes at the answer she had just gotten. It had been so Emma-like. She simply shook her head in response.

"And when the heck did you search for something? I mean, there's hardly a chance you were up there since you were released."

This answer earned Emma a death glare from Regina because Regina might have been able to admit that she was weak or better yet weaker but others telling her so, was an entirely different story.

"And what makes you think that I haven't been up there since I was released?"

Emma looked at her in surprise and then just pointed at the wheelchair Regina was sitting in.

"That doesn't mean that I can't get up there… it might be a little bit complicated and not as easy as for you but I'm perfectly capable of getting up the stairs."

What Regina then saw in Emma's eyes was something she hated the most – pity. She wasn't to be pitied and Regina couldn't help but wonder where the anger of Emma had gone which she had evoked yesterday.

"Regina, you're aware that overworking yourself is not going to play out well?"

Was that really concern Regina heard in Emma's voice? Hardly, she thought. The other woman just tried to intimidate her. It's not like she deserved something better though.

"I'm aware, thank you, no need to tell me."

She couldn't help but turn on the protection mode, she wasn't ready for such kind of conversations yet especially not with Emma.

"Then why do you such things as climbing up the stairs?" Emma asked and folded her arms.

"Because I needed to look for something, not that it's your business anyway."

As much as Regina wanted to add a cold tone to her voice, it didn't work. The thought about how senseless the "looking-for-something-thing" had been made her sad especially as she didn't see any other options at the moment to give her back her flexibility.

"You should have called somebody."

Now it was Regina's turn to laugh out loud. And laugh she did.

"Call somebody? Who exactly are you thinking of, dear? You? You hate me, just as everybody else does in this town."

Mistake, was the next thing Regina had thought. Even though it was her plan to get nicer, being open about herself didn't really belong in there just yet.

"I don't hate you, Regina."

That answer got Regina by surprise and as she looked at Emma, she couldn't see any lie in Emma's face.

"What?" She asked not sure if she had misunderstood the other woman.

"I don't hate you. You really keep giving me hard times but then I'm already used to it. I admit that you're kind of a pain in the ass but who's not at least once in their lives."

Regina looked at her, kind of speechless. Yes, there were words she could say out loud to scare the other woman away again but if she had realized something then it was the fact that it didn't help her to be mean. Quite the contrary. Just sometimes she couldn't hold herself back but perhaps, maybe she should start learning how to shut up more often.

"Listen, I was mad at you yesterday. I really was but then what you said to me wasn't something new. Then I realized that you always the exact same thing when you're scared which got me thinking. And although I have to say that your words still do hurt, I think we should somehow finally start arranging things."

Regina listened carefully. Arranging things didn't sound too bad but she couldn't help and feel suspicious. Arrangements usually didn't turn out well for the Brunette which was why she stopped making arrangements and forced everyone to do as she liked.

However those times were over. And Emma had a point, a scared Regina wasn't a good thing and it usually showed in her behaving like a bitch.

Regina knew that, just as she knew that another apology was in order. It was almost funny that Regina apologized twice in three days regarding that she hadn't apologized once in over twenty-eight years before that.

Regina gulped and looked up.

"Firstly, I'm sorry Emma – again. It's just… I… I didn't mean what I said."

Regina said. She wasn't ready yet to admit to the other woman how much this entire situation scared her though.

"May I ask though what you mean with arrangements?" She then asked having a curious expression on her face.

"I thought that maybe we should actually start talking about things. Like tell each other what we want and what we don't want." Emma said and she saw the small flinch of Regina and knew that Regina had hoped for another answer. "Small steps, you know."

Regina nodded and forced up a smile. "Small steps, indeed."

Somehow she had hoped that she would get to see Henry but she knew that it was too much to ask for. She had destroyed that chance for now and it would certainly need some time until she would get another chance in that kind of matter.

"Well, so I gotta go… lots of things to do but if you want to I'll stop by tomorrow and we can talk."

There was this hopeful expression on Emma's face which Regina just couldn't completely ignore. Although she didn't understand the Blonde, and why she tried to actually make contact to her, she found herself nodding in response telling herself that she should use that little chance. A chance she probably didn't even deserve.

"Good, then see you tomorrow." Emma said and nodded turning around and walking out of the room. But then Regina heard her coming back and she looked at Emma in wonder.

"Do you need anything? I mean, should I get something for you… you know what I mean."

Regina had never liked admitting that she wasn't able to handle something but if she didn't want to starve the next day, there was no other way than to ask Emma for help. And somehow she also felt grateful – grateful towards the woman she had always considered as her enemy.

"Actually, I could use some food. But Miss Swan, no junk food. Healthy food."

Emma couldn't stop the small grin that was building on her face. It would have surprised her if she Regina hadn't at least made on last sarcastic comment before she left.

Although Regina would try to be nicer and softer, such kind of comments would always come up once in a while.

"Good, healthy food. Got that. See ya tomorrow." She smiled at Regina and turned again hearing the small 'thank you' out of Regina's mouth which made her smile. Even though she had been really mad yesterday seeing the Brunette like that proved that she wasn't a lost case. It would only need some time.

Regina was surprised about herself. Maybe her good intentions would go well for once. The Charmings would always be the typical idiots to her but it didn't mean that she wouldn't try to get along with them for Henry and for herself. Because truth was, she was tired of all the hate, the revenge. She needed to let go and talking to Emma could help. Of course there still was this small voice in her head which warned her, which didn't want her to open up and Regina was sure that it would take her some time to actually be open about herself but the mere thought that she could try was enough for now.

But what Regina didn't know was that there was someone else waiting for her who wasn't very fond of the idea that she would actually heal in the way Regina wanted to at the moment.

And as she finished her meal and brought the box back into the kitchen giving it a wash before putting it into one of the cupboards, her mother watched her.

* * *

So I hope you guys are not dissapointed by the chapter!

As I talked to my little sister about the chapter she asked me about sudden emotional change of Regina and in case some of you find it strange as well, here's what I thought. I don't think Regina is someone who would ever give up. Having times in which she feels sad and overwhelmed, are normal especially in such kind of situations. When I wrote my 12-pages assignment last year, I talked to a lot of people who have gone through desperate times and they all had one thing in common: these sudden changes in mood. And I don't know, I just wanted to be in there.  
Also I hope that I'm describing the problematic of suddenly being not able to use one's legs good enough for you... in the end, it's different for every patient and with the time you get completely used to such kind of things Regina is experiencing now.

Well, at least I would be very happy to hear from you. Reviews are beyond welcomed! In fact, they make a very happy girl! Thank you in advance.


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